Please tell me what to improve on and what I should keep based on what I wrote? (repost cuz of italics)?

its good.very good.all you have to work on is description.too much can boor some readers, but too little can frustrate others.the grammar and the wording not in the dialogue needs work.i don't mean to insult you, I'm just trying to help. btw, id be willing to help u with that.if you want my help email me. i like were the story is going. also, the darkness thing came out of nowhere.you might want to include a little back story on that, like telling about a time where the teacher saw him using darkness.again i'm great at editing and wording things so that they seem more exiting and ect... so email me if u want that help.